Can Fat Teens Hunt?

When I was working on more! magazine, one of the things we did to pass the time was to come up with the most ludicrous headlines or even magazine coverlines and, potentially, see if they could be turned into features.

We’re talking “I ate my hat and almost died” kinda stupid here (which didn’t ever get written, as far as I’m aware).

I imagine that meetings at the ‘we’re so down with the kids’ BBC3 are similar, because tomorrow night they’re broadcasting a programme called Can Fat Teens Hunt?

Yes, this ‘socially-aware’ programme is dropping 10 kids who live on Burger King and Pizza Hut into the Borneo jungle with a tribe that lives on slugs, insects and other such tasty morsels. The teens are then given a bow and arrow and asked to hunt for their food.

Pretty ridiculous, I’m sure you’ll agree, and I say, what a missed opportunity. They could have combined it with one of their SAS-style programmes.

Why didn’t they turn into some Battle Royale style reality show called Can Fat Teens Be Hunted?

Drop them in the same jungle, but have them try to survive off the land, while they were being pursued by a bunch of teen-hating people determined to humiliate them and see the error of their junk-food eating ways.

Not only would you see the teens trying to live off nothing more than the odd piece of rotten fruit, but you could see how they handle living like Andy McNab in enemy territory, where one false bivouac would leave them open to mortar fire and certain death.

They need people like me in TV, you know!

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