A few words from Rob Mansfield

I’ve been thinking a lot about death recently. Not quite as grim as it may sound, but not exactly uplifting, I know.

It’s what happens when your Dad has a brain tumour that just won’t go away and you have a godmother who, according to some people, is not going to last much longer.

I suppose it has something to do with my age. You hear a lot about people in their mid-30s starting to experience older relatives.

Inevitably, this is what seems to be happening to me.

Admittedly, I could be writing a year from now and both of those people will be still be alive and kicking - and god knows how I hope that’s the case.

Anyway, back to death specifically. People have different perspectives at different times of their life. I know there was a small window when I was incredibly fearful of it.

And, to be honest, having young children does give me a little shiver, but I know that if I went tomorrow then I wouldn’t be devastated.

When it is time to go, there’s not a lot you can do about it, is there? Sure you can fight it sometimes, but if your number rises to the surface, then why keep forcing it back down?

I often dream about standing up giving the eulogy at people’s funerals. OK, so I haven’t dreamt my own yet, but it’s actually pretty comforting. It gets you used to the idea and hopefully means you’re less likely to be distraught when it truly happens.

I suppose going is worst for those left behind. All I want people to know is that I loved them and that it’s time to party and not be sad. Simple, really.

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I feel truly sorry for the inhabitants of America’s Gulf Coast and New Orleans in particular as the threat of Hurricane Gustav gets ever closer.

Bizarrely, though, it could well have been Hurricane Fay or Hanna, the two names chosen by the World Meteorological Organization either side of Mr Mahler’s first name.

In fact, for the first 25 years of naming cyclones and hurricanes, only women’s names were used - how generous of the meteorologists!

So what might be the name that becomes infamous over the next couple of years?

Well, Kates and Peters might need to watch out next year, while Fionas and Gastons are in line in 2010.

What a job, eh? Naming future tropical storms!

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I went to a Little Chef at the weekend, which in retrospect probably wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but when you’re staying at a Travelodge and have a 16-month-old and need breakfast, there aren’t many options.

I’ll give them one thing - their marketing is fantastic. The breakfasts looked genuinely appealing and their prices have come down a lot.

Sadly, from the moment we walked through the door, things went wrong.

1) No member of staff greeted us and took us to a table. So, we took it upon ourselves to find a high chair and find a table.

2) We had to find our own menus - none were forthcoming from the “staff” - I use that word sparingly.

3) After having been at our table for 10 minutes, one of the boys on duty came over to tell us we were blocking the aisle with the high chair and we had to move. He took us to the other side of the “restaurant” and promptly blocked another aisle with the high chair. Good old ‘health and safety’, eh?

4) Once the orders were taken, it took roughly 20 minutes to cook four breakfasts. However, in the meantime, another table sent their food back, because it wasn’t cooked. It’s sausage and bacon, for goodness sake, how can you not cook it properly?

5) Every time someone paid, the staff had to get the ticket from the chef and then decipher what each person had ordered. It took five blokes 10 minutes to pay for breakfast!

6) Their staffing policy is abominable: no-one seemed to be in charge, in fact I’m not sure there was a manager. Those on duty looked as if they’d just left nursery and couldn’t have looked less happy if they were standing in front of a firing squad. I know it can’t be much fun to be working at a Little Chef at 8am on a Sunday morning, but at least try to look as if you’re enthused.

7) Did we consider complaining? We did, but realised it wouldn’t have got us anywhere. The food, which was actually fairly OK, wouldn’t have reached us any quicker. The staff wouldn’t have magically cheered up and the service wouldn’t have been any quicker. We might have got a fiver off our meal, but that’s hardly recompense for a dismal experience.

All in all, very depressing. I know Little Chef have had problems recently and almost shut down for good. Well, on the evidence of this, perhaps they should do just that. I certainly won’t be going back for a long time.

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