Why I just don’t get trainers

Orange trainerEven though I’m a bloke, there are some typical blokey things I just don’t get.

I hate watching football in the pub, even though I’m a huge sports fan. It just doesn’t move me at all.

Cars a total mystery to me – as far as I’m concerned they’re a means to an end that get you from A to B.

And of all the male obsessions that I don’t understand is that of trainers.

I don’t mean trainers in a running round the park/gym sense, I’m talking about ‘fashion’ trainers. They’re the ones that aren’t white with a couple of flashes down them that people wear because they’re, ahem, cool.

No, they’re not! They’re an item of footwear that are designed for doing exercise in.

To my mind, making trainers ‘designer’ and ‘fashiony’ is akin to someone deciding that silk blouses would be a really good thing to wear if you wanted to run a marathon. You get my point?

The thing is, I really like shoes. I own around 15 pairs, which for a bloke is quite a lot. And I wear all of them.

Do I own any trainers? Yes, I have one pair of cross-trainers that are good for exercise classes and in the gym, and I have a pair of running shoes that I wear when I, very occasionally, go for a run.

Neither of these could remotely be construed as cool, fashionable and look good accompanied by a pair of blue jeans.

And the thing about trainers is that some people keep them in the box and never put them on. What? You spend £100 on a pair of ‘shoes’ and never wear them?

For god’s sake men, buy a pair of boots or something. They’ll probably last longer, even if you do wear them every day!

You know you’re getting old when… Part 4: Glasvegas

GlasvegasI was sitting at my desk last week when my much younger work colleague Charlotte came back from lunch in a state of high excitement.

‘Omigod!’ she squealed. ‘I’ve just seen Glasvegas in the canteen!’

My immediate reaction was ‘Glaswho?’ And then I quickly realised that I am yet again losing touch with modern popular culture.

Glasvegas for all you other suitably wizened readers are a popular Scottish beat combo who are rather cool and hip with the young music-listening fraternity.

Naturally, since I heard the name Glasvegas I have seen them everywhere – albums reviewed in newspapers, referenced on TV, posters… still haven’t heard their music, though, and I would NEVER be able to recognise them if they sat next to me in the staff canteen!

I’m divorcing 82 of my wives… that’s bigamy

An 84-year-old Nigerian has accepted that he must adhere to strict Islamic codes and is going to divorce 82 of 86 wives.

Yup, Pa Bello is sticking with just 4 of his many spouses, the oldest of whom is 70, the youngest 25. He also has more than 170 kids and brags that, “I can get any woman I want, no matter where she comes from and what she does for a living.”

OK, good for him, but can you imagine the earache he gets if he forgets to put the bins out!?!